![\"Gordon\"](\"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/Gordon-.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nThey (whoever \u201cthey\u201d are) say \u201cThe way we do anything is the way we do everything\u201d.\u00a0 So when, after many years of faithful, reliable service my old Ford Focus decided that it was time to retire I was given the gift of seeing what happens to me when I enter into a new (car) relationship \u2026<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s (some of) what I learned<\/p>\n
1. The opportunity for a new relationship will come to you when you least expect it, when you\u2019re not looking for it and quite likely when you\u2019re not particularly interested.<\/h3>\n
I had often dreamed \/ wished my car was different and definitely felt that it wasn\u2019t a true expression of who I am.\u00a0 However, I was happily driving my trusty Ford Focus and financially not in a position to change it\u2026. or so I thought\u2026.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve all heard it before.\u00a0 The minute you let go of the need for something (someone) to complete you it miraculously arrives.\u00a0 It just so happens that this is totally true.\u00a0 When we are at peace with ourselves and our current circumstances we attract new things into our life from a place of wholeness and not neediness.<\/p>\n
2.\u00a0 We have to let something go in order to create space<\/h3>\n
When my Ford Focus broke down beyond economic repair it forced me to re-evaluate.\u00a0 I began to realise how many memories I was holding onto with this car.\u00a0 Past relationships, good times, bad times\u2026. I was driving these around with me everywhere I went.\u00a0 And to a greater extent than I imagined holding on to the car was blocking me from moving on.\u00a0 Keeping me slightly trapped in a story that no longer fitted with the person I am becoming.\u00a0 Although it was massively inconvenient, accepting it was time to let the car and the story go created space\u2026. actually it felt like more of a vacuum into which a new car, more befitting the current \u2018me\u2019 had no choice but to rush in and fill.<\/p>\n
We have to be willing to release old patterns, old stories, ex\u2019s (especially ex\u2019s) so that there is space for something new.\u00a0 Otherwise we continue to recreate the same patterns.\u00a0 Those which we\u2019ve complained about in the past. Those which haven’t served us.\u00a0 It\u2019s as simple as that.\u00a0 Not easy. But simple\u2026.and essential.<\/p>\n
3.\u00a0 You absolutely can have what you really want.<\/h3>\n
At first I resigned myself to getting an old banger.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t saved or planned for a new car and my familiar \u2018unworthiness\u2019 shadow decreed that this was all I deserved.\u00a0 A wise friend steered (no driving pun intended) me in another direction.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is your dream car?\u201d, he said.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t take much persuasion to set my sights higher.\u00a0 A few years back I\u2019d seen someone driving the cutest car EVER!!! I remembered the exact spot that I first saw it and how I\u2019d said to myself \u201cOh wow! One day I\u2019d love a car like that!\u201d \u00a0 So I set to searching and surprisingly quickly found Gordon, the perfect car on Done Deal (the dating site for cars).<\/p>\n
How many of us have settled for less than we want in a relationship.\u00a0 The false belief that we can\u2019t have the partner of our dreams. \u00a0This will have to do. \u00a0That destructive voice that lies \u201cI\u2019m not worthy\u201d\u2026 Don\u2019t believe it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t settle.\u00a0 Dream your dream. Create your perfect partner\u2026 and go for it!<\/p>\n
4. Be careful what you wish for<\/h3>\n
I got exactly what I\u2019d asked for.\u00a0 Swanky, sexy, gorgeous Gordon.\u00a0 What I forget to mention to the Universe was that Gordon should also be reliable.\u00a0 And so\u2026. The very day I picked him up.\u00a0 Within 2 hours.\u00a0 He broke down.\u00a0 Completely.\u00a0 Steadfastly. Gordon refused to start.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve experienced of this one before so I had to smile through my tears at the way this lesson was being repeated.\u00a0 Asking for sexy, adventurous, unconventional but omitting emotional availability.\u00a0 We really do get what we wish for. So let\u2019s make our wishes very, very carefully.<\/p>\n
5. Ask for what you need<\/h3>\n
I was devastated.\u00a0 Here he was at last!\u00a0 Gordon!\u00a0 Car of my dreams! Dead on my doorstep!\u00a0 I phoned a friend (the aforementioned wise one).\u00a0 He said \u201cWhat does the previous owner say?\u201d,\u00a0 \u201cOh I haven\u2019t phoned him.\u00a0 I cant\u2019 do that!\u201d was my reply. Seriously?!\u00a0 Embarrassingly true (welcome back unworthiness shadow). Luckily my friend bluntly pointed out that not only I could\u00a0 but I absolutely had to \u201cdo that\u201d\u00a0 I had owned the car for less than 2 hours.\u00a0 I had to at least ask for the problem to be put right. I understood there were no guarantees as it was a private sale.\u00a0 But I had to ask.\u00a0 Gulp! \u00a0 It was very difficult (big learning for me about how afraid I am to ask for my needs to be met) but luckily Gordon\u2019s previous owner was as horrified as I was and agreed to put whatever had gone wrong right.<\/p>\n
We can’t complain that someone isn\u2019t meeting our needs unless we have asked for what we want.\u00a0 Game playing, manipulating, saying \u201cThey should just know!\u201d are not OK. \u00a0 If I don\u2019t ask you for what I want you can\u2019t deliver it.\u00a0 And I get to blame you for not giving me something I haven\u2019t asked for.\u00a0 It\u2019s a very damaging and very unhealthy cycle.<\/p>\n
6. Everyone has baggage.\u00a0 Everyone has shadows. Everyone is perfectly imperfect.<\/h3>\n
So here was gorgeous Gordon.\u00a0 Looking swanky and sexy outside my house.\u00a0 And totally broken.\u00a0 I was very lucky that his previous owner and mechanic are super genuine and lovely people.\u00a0 The problem was diagnosed.\u00a0 It was the fuel pump.\u00a0 An unforeseeable problem. And Gordon\u2019s previous owner agreed to foot the bill for the repair . All I had to do was make a decision. Was I willing to accept Gordon complete with his shadow side,\u00a0 his history, his baggage?\u00a0 It was a difficult decision for me.\u00a0 Having seen his shadow I wanted to run.\u00a0 But I also knew deep down there was so much more to Gordon than a broken fuel pump.<\/p>\n
Usually we don\u2019t see someones shadow straight away because we mask and hide our vulnerability and the bits of us we don\u2019t like.\u00a0 It can be a big shock months into a relationship to discover our beloved isn\u2019t the hero \/ heroine we thought.\u00a0 I was really lucky here. Gordon was willing to be vulnerable and show me his truth straight away.\u00a0 How many perspective partners show us their shadow on the first date?<\/p>\n
7. Falling in love is frightening<\/h3>\n
After Gordon was repaired I took him for a spa treatment (valet) and he came back home like a brand new car.\u00a0 In 48 hours my feelings for him had shifted from disappointment and doubt to true love.\u00a0 Two days later I was driving him to visit a friend.\u00a0 The route to her house is up a very steep and narrow lane.\u00a0 No passing spaces.\u00a0 Stone walls either side.\u00a0 I\u2019ve taken this route many times before in the Ford Focus.\u00a0 This time I was terrified that I was going to damage\/hurt Gordon.\u00a0 That I might loose him.<\/p>\n
Falling in Love is scary.\u00a0 We open ourselves up to be seen by and to see another.\u00a0 We know there are risks.\u00a0 That we might get hurt.\u00a0 That we might loose our love. And we have to decide whether we are willing to take the risk. Are we willing to continue to drive down the road with full commitment, trust and dare to be vulnerable?<\/p>\n
PS\u00a0 I took a different route home \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n
8.\u00a0 A relationship is a two way street.<\/h3>\n
If I want Gordon to take care of me. To drive me around reliably and safely and purr like a kitten at every turn of the key I have to make sure I give him time, care, love and attention too.\u00a0 Regular servicing , careful and considerate driving, the right fuel etc.<\/p>\n
Often we are so focussed on our own needs that we forget to consider the other person in a relationship.\u00a0 How different would it be if we asked \u201cWhat have I got to give the person?\u201d, \u201cWhat do they need from me?\u201d instead of \u201cWhat do I want from them?\u201d<\/p>\n
After a tentative start Gordon and I have bonded and fallen head over wheels in love.\u00a0 He happily accompanies me to Yoga classes in East Cork where you are welcome to come and meet him.<\/p>\n
Gordon, The new car in my life x<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" …From buying a used car (called Gordon!) They (whoever \u201cthey\u201d are) say \u201cThe way we do anything is the way we do everything\u201d.\u00a0 So when, after many years of faithful, reliable service my old Ford Focus decided that it was time to retire I was given the gift of seeing what happens to me … Continue reading 8 Relationship Lessons…<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-641","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=641"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":642,"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641\/revisions\/642"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=641"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=641"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/faithfullyalison.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=641"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/a><\/p>\n